Sigh.

So it's started. We knew it would happen sooner or later, but of course, I hoped later. Somehow, I guess maybe we all thought if there were enough demonstrations, and enough vigils and enough online organization, that diplomacy would carry the day. But we obviously underestimated the Bushies' commitment to having their war. Once the bombs started falling, I could almost picture Dubya's shit-eating grin, even as he delivered his somber speech to the nation and the world.

I heard about the beginning of the war during my first eight-hour shift at this temp job Kathleen and I are working together. We're doing very brain-numbing data entry work, so we are easily able to listen to the radio, or to CDs. I was listening to NPR commentary on the build-up to war when the announcer interrupted the speaker to say that Ari Fleischer had just delivered a statement that the attack had started. Seemingly, though I was in a room full of people doing the same job, I was alone in having the news that the war had started. Even Kathleen, sitting a couple desks away, didn't seem to know, though she was listening to something. Next to me, a woman was entering her data, and occasionally she would laugh at something. As I sat listening to the earliest reports of the attacks, and saw her laughing next to me, I was overcome by sadness. Should I tell her, and ruin her mood? Or should I let her finish her shift in blissful ignorance? I opted not to be the one to tell her.

As I listened to NPR's early coverage, and heard Bush's speech about 20 times, I was struck once again by the utter hypocrisy of the Administration. Not to condone Saddam Hussein, but to hear Bush state as his justification for ordering the attacks the "outlaw regime" and "weapons of mass destruction," I could not avoid thinking about how the Bushies stole the 2000 election and how they were even then unleashing bombs which by any measure would have to be considered weapons of mass destruction. It was like during one of his earlier speeches on Iraq, when he used as his justification for his commitment to invading Iraq the fact that Violence will not Stand. Um...and who's being violent here?

Even as the war got underway, I heard countless interviews with talking heads. One Republican Congressman made the point that now that the war was on, dissenting opinions were really counterproductive. Prior to war beginning, maybe it was okay, he hinted, but now that our President has made his decision to go in, it was really our responsibility to support him as our Commander-in-Chief, as well as our troops.

I felt like standing up and screaming! This Congressman's logic was infuriating. Basically, as long as the President can get away with starting what amounts to an illegitimate war, we have to support him? And I absolutely hate the way they manipulate us into "supporting the troops," as a way of getting popular backing for a war that no one can really justify. I mean, wouldn't the best way to keep our troops safe be to keep them here in the U.S.? And if Bush is going to put them in harm's way, then he's the one that should take responsibility for their safety, and not put us in a position of having to go against our wishes by having to support the troops operating in a war we can't stand.

And the funniest thing is that when NPR ended its coverage for the evening and turned its audience over to BBC, I listened to a whole new set of commentators and talking heads from other parts of the world talking about the war. And they almost universally condemned the U.S. for the action it was taking. And I was fighting this urge to take umbrage (I love using that term) at their attacks on us. And I thought, why am I feeling this way? And I realized that it wasn't because I cared that they were attacking the Bush Administration and the U.S. military, but rather that they were angry at Americans in general. And I pictured myself traveling somewhere else in the world and getting angry stares from foreigners simply because a President I didn't vote for undertook a war that I didn't support. And in this mental image, I wanted to stand up and shout, Hey! It's not my fault. I'm an American who doesn't support the war. I'm with you!

It's a sad day for the world. And now, in spite of myself, I can only hope the war is a very quick success. Because that's the only alternative to a long, drawn-out battle in which there is too much suffering. As if any suffering was acceptable.

Peace. Please.

I went to one of the candlelight vigils tonight. Kathleen, my mom and my dad went to Dolores Park, where there were probably 300 people braving the bitter cold to protest war in Iraq and sing for peace.

It was definitely a strange moment. There were many children there, but a lot of them were playing loudly on the nearby play structure, adding an unexpected layer of jubilant sound to the somber mood of the adults. People were defiant, and proud to be taking part in such a widespread celebration of our right to call for peace. The ability to organize so quickly and in so many different places that groups like MoveOn have brought to mass popular attention has given people with dissenting opinions a new way to have our voices heard...and counted.

Speaking of which, someone asked me if I'd registered as planning to attend the vigil, which MoveOn was encouraging people to do, and I said no. I guess I didn't understand that the importance of doing so is indeed that it legitimizes the numbers that organizers of the rallies and marches and vigils tout. And the bigger those numbers, the more influence we have.

In any case, other than being particularly frigid tonight, the vigil in Dolores Park was extremely beautiful. Candlelight is such a wonderful kind of light; it is peaceful, it is soothing, it is warming and almost delicious. And multiply it by several hundred people, add in the city lights (including City Hall) and a nearly full moon, and it was glorious outside.

Sadly, it is so easy while standing in such a place to forget that in other parts of the country, music fans and radio stations are massively boycotting the Dixie Chicks because one of them had the temerity to say that she was embarrassed that Bush comes from Texas. I mean, I know how she feels. I'm embarrassed that he comes from the U.S.

All this makes me think more and more that our plan to grab as many folks as we can and skeedaddle for New Zealand. Of course, "patriotic" Americans would tell us to Love It or Leave It, and would want to strip us of our citizenship. But, hey...I bet Kathleen and I could have cats in New Zealand.

So, on a lighter note: MEOW!

I'm here at my dad's, helping him build some bookcases and other things. It's interesting. We used to do this kind of work when I was a kid, and I hated it. Absolutely hated it. Because it was tense and there were disagreements, and I always felt like I was doing something wrong.

But now it's different. We work well together, and we work quickly and efficiently, and there's humor and good feeling. It's nice.

Family is good. I vote yes on family.